SPAM ME HARDER.. You heard me.

OPINION / HUMOR – We all get those aggravating and annoying spam emails - some that end up in our main email and not where they were intended. 

It's all around us.  

Sure, the phone calls and the unsolicited solicitors knocking on our doors are bad enough..  

Usually when I get a call (and feel like answering) I like to mess with them, sometimes in a low voice, or a whisper, I reply: 

"Hey, right now isn't a very good time... but while I have you on the phone - do you know how to get blood out of carpet?  Like a lot of blood.."

They hang up.  

Nobody's offered to answer that question, yet.  

Commercialized (spam) emails are just the mosquitoes of the digital world.  

- Emailing lists that I can't seem to unsubscribe from especially fall right into that category. 

Victoria Secret has been emailing me for years.   I can't remember why or how long I've been receiving them but it's been a long time.  YEARS. 

It seems every time I try to unsubscribe to their offers I receive twice as many emails in the next few weeks.  

Maybe a friend is playing a practicable joke on me.. Probably not.  

But, like the worm you cut in half, every time I sever the unintended "relationship" with Victoria Secret the emails seem to double in number, and she just doesn't know that it's over.  

This is most definitely a one-sided romance. 

I'm single.  

I'm a man. 

I'm straight.  

I'm confused - about why I keep getting those damn emails. 

I've browsed the catalogue and I just don't think anything would look good on me.  

I've told them so.  

I've told them all that, and yet their delusional inspiration demands that one day I'll give-in and let them overcome my email and ravish my inbox with their fuzzy slippers and silk pajamas. 

Yes, I've seen those pages with the non-realistic women in their skimpy bedroom attire and beach wear, and I can't wear that.  

I just want socks — 

Where's the men's socks, swim trunks and the backscratchers?  

I’d probably buy a backscratcher if they made one.  

But - 

Better yet, where is the real "unsubscribe" button because that's all I want.

Order me two of those unsubscribe buttons that work for all spam mailing lists, just in case the first one doesn't work and I have to try again..

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