Beating the pants off of political history

By Chuck Thompson | The Sunday Column

OPINION / HUMOR – Pants and politics go hand-in-hand.

They do. It’s true. Pants and politics go “hand-in-hand,” even though you wear them on your legs; I guess one could say they sometimes can help get a leg up on the competition, and other times they’ll have you tripping over your own feet, so to speak.

There’s so many sayings / puns / metaphors associated with pants:

    Caught with your pants down

    Keep your pants on.

    Fly by the seat of your pants

    Ants in your pants

    Kick in the pants

    Put your big girl/boy pants on

    He/She wears the pants in that relationship

    Smarty-pants

    Fancy pants

    Beat the pants off (someone)

    Bore the pants off (someone)

    Liar, liar, pants on fire

Winston Churchill once said, "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." And that’s especially true in this day and age of the internet and social media communication, but let’s also be real - Churchill didn’t move fast and it probably took him a while to put his pants on every morning; just a guess and with all due respect.

When we think of Ancient Rome, we think of Greece, too, and the traditional wearing of the toga, but pants had actually been around for some time, but considered uncouth by the Romans.

Roman citizens began wearing pants around the end of the 1st / beginning of the 2nd Century A.D. for their warmth and comfort, if hidden under their traditional garments. However, pants were considered barbaric, Germanic in nature, and not proper attire of a civilized society.

It was just a matter of time before the upper echelon of the snooty Romans who looked down on others, were eventually overcome by the redneck white trash fashion of the day: Pants.

By the 3rd Century everyone was wearing pants, something that Emperor Honorius and his brother Arcadius tried to turn back the clock on, but failed in that endeavor; just as badly as they did at everything else. Their attempt to control what people did was fruitless and eventually pants won the day and – well, the barbarians now reside across most of the former Roman empire. Where are the Romans now?

I guess they got caught with their pants down.

During The French Revolution, just a few years after the American Revolution, the average French peasant purposely stopped wearing the knee-breeches of the aristocracy, making long pants a symbol of equality among France and a symbol of the revolutionary spirit.

The Industrial Revolution in the 19th century gave rise to the blue jeans, which are still worn today. As manufacturing plants developed, manual labor created a need for clothing that could hold up to the demands of factory jobs.

And let’s not forget about the Women's Suffrage movement. Women could be arrested for wearing pants in some places. In 1919, Puerto Rican activist Luisa Capetillo was arrested for wearing pants in public. She literally put on her big girl pants and got arrested for it. 

Women began wearing pants in the 1920’s just to prove a point. Fast forward a couple of decades, as they took their husbands jobs in factories while there was a severe manpower shortage during World War Two, pants became standard for women working in factories.

In 1969 Representative Charlotte Reid caused an uproar by wearing pants on the Congressional House floor. Eventually, in 1993, Senators Carol Moseley-Braun and Barbara Mikulski broke the "no pants" rule for women on the Senate floor. There was no going back.

See, pants and politics go hand-in-hand.

Then, along came the khaki pants; heck, you might be wearing khaki pants while you’re reading this… I may or may not be wearing khaki pants while writing this column… something I find ironic because I usually write these columns at home, in my underwear. Don’t be offended, I’m at home, it’s okay. Calm down… keep your pants on …. (see what I did there). This is a light-hearted column. Save your criticism for something worthwhile. But it’s a good thing I am wearing pants right now because I’m writing this by the seat of my pants, just winging it like the smarty pants I am.

Right now, in Cleveland County as early voting rages across the landscape, causing candidates to battle it out in a war of attrition, like a post-apocalyptic scene on social media. Candidates are accusing one another (and others) of lying with their pants on fire, while giving each other a kick in the pants, hurting each other’s feelings, and leaving all of us to unwillingly witness this uncouth kindergarten chaos.

I think I can safely speak for many people by saying we wish these candidates would just suck it up, put their big boy britches on, and tell us what they’re going to do for Cleveland County instead of nuking one another across multiple forms of communication.

Personally, as a reporter covering this shit-stained pants of an election year, I cannot wait for this primary to be behind us, so we can all find out who “beat the pants off of who,” but no matter the winner, I just ask that you play fair, don’t get caught with your pants down and if you feel high-handed, to remember that the people of Rome decided who was going to wear the pants, whether the ruling class wanted it or not, because after March 3, and definitely after the General Election in November, we’re going to find out who wears the pants and who just needs to find a better pair. Because the pants may make the man, but the voter decides who will be elected, and regardless of who wins, all candidates and residents just need to keep their pants on and work together for the greater good of our beloved Cleveland County.

Read The Sunday Column, every week, only in the Shelby Independent.

Chuck Thompson is a reporter and columnist for The Shelby Independent.