Apocalypse dough

Chuck Thompson
Jul 27
2 min read

OPINION / HUMOR — Opening a cylinder can/ tube of ready-to-bake biscuits is the baking version of Russian Roulette.

You never know when the damn thing is gonna go off — it could pop any second.

It could happen when you’re just peeling off the decorative label, or maybe when you’re peeling that second sealer wrapping - sometimes you have to bang it on the side of the kitchen counter before it opens, and other times a tap, or two, just won’t do the job... so you’re standing there baffled by the mystery of this thing ... - why won’t it open?

Why won’t it open like it did last time (as directed) exploding with the might and fright of a dozen helium ballons bursting ferociously in your face sending a shockwave across your eyes in a fraction of a second, with a sound that could cause a heart attack in the elderly and severe temporary hearing loss in the young...

But this time nothing - it doesn’t open... so you hold it in your hands, looking at it with confusion and in such complexity to why this can of biscuits won’t cooperate to it’s expected reaction as the directions insist it should do, when - BAM! 💥 The biscuit tube explodes in a fierce delayed reaction sending raw bread dough shrapnel scattering across your head and splattered across the kitchen wall in a scene of unspeakable horror (if you were the Pillsbury Dough Boy) and then as you pick up the bread dough off the floor and peel it from the walls you think... what a violent way to make some flakey biscuits.

.. or at least that’s what happened to me.

In the end, after the chaos, the dough splatter looking like a crime scene, and the sudden loss of my confidence, I just had some cereal.

Have a great week, everyone.

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