We should all thank Larry and his descendants for the food we eat

By Chuck Thompson | The Sunday Column

OPINION – We all grow up learning what we can and cannot eat. We are educated by our family, friends, in the classroom, the news and because of those nifty little warning labels that have helped spread the survival of even the lowest intellectual among us (mainly me).

‘DO NOT CONSUME LYSOL.’ Unsurprisingly, there’s a history behind just about every warning label; even when food must be refrigerated or frozen. Directions on the food packaging keep us from dying or becoming severely ill (and it indemnifies the company from potential lawsuits). There’s even warning labels for when something is too cold or too hot, for us to be careful when consuming this perfectly consumable food or drink. The reason hot coffee warning labels are on a cup of coffee is because some idiot ordered a hot coffee and then sued because it was hot.

But everyone, one way or another, eats what we eat because somebody tried it for the first time.

I used to wonder who was the first person to eat certain berries, or any fruit or vegetable for that matter… but then I think back to that one kid in middle school that would eat his napkin if you gave him just a quarter, and then it made sense that somehow his ancestral lineage was the brave men and women over thousands and thousands of years that taught our own ancestors what was edible and what was poisonous (and somehow survived at least into the late 20th Century, probably now in the 21st Century, too).

Somebody had to even try the poison ivy and then after he dropped dead everyone else was like, “yeah that ivy is poisonous… those leaves of three, leave it be…” probably didn’t rhyme in another language, but you get the point.

A tomato, a banana, a coconut, asparagus (and they still kept growing asparagus even back in the day before somebody decided to cook it; amazing) squash, blackberries, blueberries, peaches and carrots. It all had to be tested some time or another.

So then, we get to the corn seed and somebody threw it into a fire or they dropped some into a pot but somehow, someone accidentally made popcorn, but then the 20X great-grandfather or great-grandmother of the kid from my middle school that ate his napkin for twenty-five cents, ate the popcorn while everyone else stood around, watching to see what happened next.

One-by-one, several villagers began to taste it after the first person didn't die.

“It needs some butter,” one probably said.

“Drenched in butter, like the do at the movies!” said another.

“What’s ‘the movies?’” others asked. (since this was 3,600 years ago in what is now New Mexico).

“Wow, this is much better than that time Larry ate the cow poop!” exclaimed a villager.

“In my defense, the cow milk was pretty good, so I gave it a shot… who knew?” Larry replied.

They all shrugged as they continued to eat the popcorn.

Fast-forward to the 1990’s and Larry’s descendant was eating his napkin in my middle school lunchroom. Luckily, all of us already knew not to eat our napkins, but we appreciated him for reminding us that we weren’t idiots.

We all have our purpose in life; it’s just a matter of finding that purpose and making a difference in other peoples' own lives.

What difference did Larry’s middle school lunchroom descendant have on my life? Well, I don't remember his name, but he gave me the idea to write this Sunday Column, and for that I am thankful for his three-plus decade delayed contribution.

Have a great week - and remember: Hot coffee is HOT and Mondays are gonna Monday.

You’re welcome.

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