I’m thinking about putting up my Christmas Tree. Don’t look at me like that

Chuck Thompson

5 hours ago

5 min read

By Chuck Thompson | The Sunday Column

OPINION — I’ve been having a rather disturbing thought lately; I’m thinking about putting up my Christmas tree.

Before you call the authorities, just hear me out.

I realize it’s October. Halloween hasn’t even arrived yet. There are still people walking around with pumpkins on their porches, plastic skeletons hanging from their trees and enough fake cobwebs in their yards to make a spider feel professionally inadequate.

But I’m looking at the calendar and wondering what, exactly, is stopping me?

Is there a law against it? Does the governor have to issue a proclamation? Is there a special committee somewhere in Raleigh responsible for determining the appropriate date on which a man may plug in a strand of Christmas lights without being judged by his neighbors?

If so, I’ve apparently missed the memo.

Y’all, I think it’s time we had a serious conversation about this country’s holiday hypocrisy.

Walk into Lowe’s around Halloween and you’ll find Christmas decorations, artificial trees, inflatable Santas and enough red-and-green merchandise to make the North Pole look understocked.

Nobody seems to mind when a national home-improvement retailer starts selling Christmas before the neighborhood children have finished eating their Halloween candy.

But let an ordinary man put up a Christmas tree in his own living room in October, and suddenly he’s a menace to society.

Apparently, Christmas merchandise can arrive early. The Christmas spirit, however, must observe a strict schedule.

Why? Some people like celebrating their birthday for a month, why can’t Jesus celebrate his a little bit longer?

I’m not sure who came up with that rule that we can’t do one until we finish the other one, but I suspect it was somebody who enjoys telling other people how to live, what to say and call you names if you disagree with their way of thinking, and I’ve had just about enough of those people. Freedom is for the Holidays, too.

Think about it. By the time Halloween arrives, the Christmas decorations have already taken up residence in the stores. Thanksgiving merchandise is squeezed into whatever shelf space remains, looking like an unwanted relative who showed up early and can’t find a place to sit.

Thanksgiving, bless its heart, barely gets a moment to breathe.

We go from jack-o’-lanterns to turkey platters to Christmas trees so quickly that the pilgrims haven’t even finished digesting their lunch before Santa Claus is expected to make his annual appearance.

It’s exhausting.

And yet, somehow, I’m supposed to feel guilty for considering putting up a tree a few weeks early?

Why?

If Lowe’s can beat Halloween to Christmas, I see no reason I can’t beat Lowe’s.

There’s a certain satisfaction in being ahead of the curve. Journalists understand this. We like getting the story first. Businesses like getting the merchandise on the shelves first. Politicians like announcing things before somebody else can take credit for them.

Why should Christmas be any different?

I could have my tree up, the lights glowing, the decorations in place and Bing Crosby singing about a white Christmas before somebody down the street has even decided what costume to wear on Oct. 31.

I might even watch ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ and look up Thanksgiving recipes on Halloween.

That’s not madness. That’s efficiency.

Putting up a Christmas tree is work. There’s the unpacking, the assembly, the untangling of lights that appear to have been knotted together by a committee of angry squirrels, and the inevitable discovery that the storage box contains 14 ornaments but somehow not the one you’re looking for.

There’s also the question of whether the artificial tree still looks the way you remember it from last year.

Artificial trees are a little like old friends. You know what you’re getting, but sometimes they’ve developed a few unexpected bends and lost a little of their former shape.

At least with an artificial tree, you don’t have to worry about watering it, sweeping up needles or explaining why the living room smells like a dying forest.

And if I put it up in October, I can take my time.

I can admire the lights. I can rearrange the ornaments. I can sit back in my chair and enjoy the view while contemplating the many mysteries of life, including why Christmas lights work perfectly until the exact moment you put them on the tree.

I can even play Christmas music and I realize that admission may be controversial.

There are people who believe Christmas music should be prohibited until after Thanksgiving. They defend this position with the intensity of medieval crusaders defending The Holy Land.

They’ll tell you that playing Christmas music in October ruins the holidays.

I think listening to Christmas music in October is considerably less irritating than listening to somebody complain about listening to Christmas music in October.

At least the music comes with a melody.

And if we’re being honest, Christmas music isn’t the problem. The problem is that we’ve turned the holiday season into an stress test.

There’s shopping, decorating, cooking, traveling, wrapping, spending money we may not have and trying to remember which relative stopped speaking to which other relative sometime around the last presidential election.

By Christmas Eve some of us are so worn out that the greatest Christmas miracle would be getting through dinner without anybody bringing up politics.

Maybe starting early isn’t such a terrible idea. You gotta pace yourself.

Maybe a Christmas tree in October is simply an act of rebellion against the notion that everything enjoyable must be squeezed into a designated window of time.

Maybe it’s a reminder that we can do something because it makes us happy, even if somebody else thinks we’re doing it wrong.

I’ve had a few reminders lately that life is too short to spend all of it waiting for permission.

Sometimes you should enjoy the things that bring you happiness while you have the opportunity.

If that means putting up a Christmas tree before Halloween, I suspect the world will survive. Worse things have happened.

The pilgrims will recover. The pumpkins will get over it and skeletons in the neighbors’ yards won’t file a complaint.

And Lowe’s will probably keep selling Christmas decorations regardless of what I do.

So I’m seriously considering it.

I might even put a Santa hat on one of those plastic skeletons in the yard. Give the neighbors something to talk about.

Of course, if I do this, I understand there may be consequences…

Somebody will probably shake their head. Somebody else will declare that Christmas has become too commercialized. A third person will explain that putting up a tree in October is the reason society is falling apart and another person will call me a facist.

To that last person, I would gently suggest that society has a few other problems worth addressing before we convene a deranged impeachment trial of my living room decorations just because we have different viewpoints about Christmas.

But I appreciate the concern.

Really.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a storage box full of Christmas ornaments and a tangled mess of lights that may or may not have survived another year in the closet. They’re somehow so tangled up every year, they look like they just participated in a brawl at a school board meeting.

And if you happen to drive by and see my Christmas tree glowing through the window before Halloween, don’t panic.

It’s not the end of the world; it’s just the beginning of Christmas.

Besides, Lowe’s started it. I’m just trying to keep up with the Joneses - or the Loweses… whatever.

Merry Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus. Happy Thanksgiving, and Happy Halloween.

I’m beginning to think the holiday rules were written by somebody who doesn’t own a decent set of Christmas lights.

Read The Sunday Column, every week, only in The Shelby Independent.

The Sunday Column is made possible, thanks to: