The milk is on isle 47 next to the lumber

Chuck Thompson | The Sunday Column

OPINION — Have you ever worn the same color shirt into a store that the employees wear and everyone starts asking you where something is? 

I have a favorite forest green t-shirt that I (subconsciously) wear every chance I get. If it’s clean, it’s on. I just like it. It’s comfortable and unfortunately is very close to turning into a rag any day now since the holes showed up — but until then, it’s my favorite and I wear it almost every Saturday or Sunday afternoon. You can see this green shirt in the photo above. (It's not as dark as it looks in this photo, but you get the idea).

Not long ago, I was in a Lowes Foods grabbing a few items on my way back home. If you’ve never been to a Lowe’s Foods, it’s just a grocery store like a Food Lion, Ingles, Harris Teeter or something similar. I think we had one here in Shelby years ago, but I'm not sure.

It was crowded at this particular Lowes Foods location; within a minute I had people ask me where certain items were — “Sorry, I don’t know, first time here!” 

After a few confused looks, I realized that I was wearing the same color shirt as the grocery store employees. Oh yeah, gotta love it when that happens.  That’s like wearing a red vest to Lowe’s Hardware or a white collar shirt in a Harris Teeter - or whatever your local grocery store employees wear.

If this ever happens to you - well, you have two choices:

1. Keep telling people “I’m sorry, I don’t work here, I’m just an idiot that wore a similar color t-shirt to the grocery store…” 

or 

2. Just start making up answers: 

“Where's the coffee? I think it’s on isle 4 next to the cake mix.” (For all I know isle 4 is the bread isle; I don't know).  

or 

“Ice cream? The ice cream is probably going be over by the bathrooms, because that’s where I usually end up after eating it, since I have IBS. Am I right? Am I right?!”

(awkward laugh as she looks at me in horror) 

And then there's the ever-enduring classic reply: 

“Milk? That’s gonna be over on isle 47, next to the lumber.” 

(As soon as you answer - walk off confidently like you know what you’re talking about - and because you want to get out of the store before they realize you have no idea what you’re talking about).

There obviously wasn't a lumber isle in that grocery store. I wonder how long it took until that sunk in. I don't think there were 47 isles neither.

Hey, listen, (no judgements) it’s just harmless fun, and if you’re too lazy or impatient to look for a very obvious item then I’m gonna have fun with it. 

However, had it been something obscure like gluten-free corn cinnamon rolls, or whatever weird thing you’re into, I would have helped you look for it because I know how frustrating it is to have an item on a list and not having a clue where to find it. 

But milk is kinda obvious… and much easier to find. 

Let’s all do a better job with at least pretending to look for the obvious items. “DAIRY” or “MILK” written up high on the side of the wall is usually a good indication of where one might find 1% milk. (And I'll try to remember to never wear my favorite forest green t-shirt into another Lowes Foods again) 

Life is tough, so find something light-hearted in an unexpected moment to make yourself chuckle once in a little while and just have fun with it.

Also, I'm banned from Lowe’s Foods - I’m joking! I’m not banned. Just trying to make you laugh. I can still go Lowe’s Foods… just not that particular one. 

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