OPINION / HUMOR – Take your vitamins, slowly

Saturday morning, I was in the middle of my usual morning routine of taking my vitamins (I like to take them in separate pills to get a larger dose and I don’t need fish oil or B12 every day) I got my B6, B12, D, C, fish oil, etc., something I’ve grown into a habit of doing the last decade or so.

Suddenly, it reminded me of my grandmother Thompson — I had this random flashback of watching her get out her weekly pill compartment that had different pills by each day of the week.

It was blue, and had S M T W Th F S stamped across each little compartment.

She would open the one for the day, and there would be this plethora of pills inside of all different shapes and colors.

I was probably about 5 years old, and I remember asking “What’s all these things grandmother takes every morning?”

“They keep her alive!” my sister replied, “She’s gotta take all those or she’ll probably die ‘cause she’s so old.”

I nodded, because my 9 year old sister always had the answers to my questions. She knew how the world worked so I knew I could count on her answer as the truth, and just made sense.

Any grownup seemed real old when you’re a child; ready to croak any minute. It was just a matter of time, seemed like.

Right about that point I could hear my dad laughing. When he was really tickled about something he had this unique wheezy laughter followed by a few loud outbursts and he’d literally slap his knee.

By this point my grandmother (Thompson) started laughing and just about choked on her own pills that were supposed to keep her alive.

I watched as she made a surprise face after a few quick chuckles and then started coughing.

I remember just staring at her — I don’t know why I didn’t try to help or get someone’s attention to the fact my grandmother was choking on the very pills that kept her alive.

I didn’t know the word “ironic” but how ironic that was - in my own way - I thought at that moment while I heard my dad laughing, my grandmother choking and my sister explaining how old people need so many pills and are always going to the doctor so they can keep on living.

Just then my sister noticed and gave our grandmother a pat on the back. She quickly took a sip of water and said to my dad, “Well I’m glad you thought that was so funny. Your mother is over here choking and you’re just laughing up a storm!”

To which he tried his best to compose himself and shook his head and walked out of the kitchen.

“Maybe you shouldn’t take all those pills grandma,” I said something like that but don’t remember the exact words. “If those things keep you alive then why did they almost kill you?”

My sister shook her head and said, “We all gotta go sometime.”

Grandmother quickly pushed us away with her cane. She told us she can’t take her medication with us in the room, we were going to kill her when she’s taking her medication.

After that we had to be completely silent when she took her "meds" (vitamins) or not be in the room.

This morning, while I was in quickly taking my assorted vitamins— I just took them at once; sometimes I’ll take a couple B12’s instead of just one, depending how much energy I think I’ll need to get moving along – and I choked.

The C vitamins with the rose are little larger than the usual ones I buy.

That was a bad idea to take them all at once.

That’s when my grandmother Thompson flashback hit me.

As my mind suddenly raced through that memory, it dawned on me as I thought about how we do what we can to stay healthy and be the most productive throughout our day, and here I was whirling in panic in my kitchen almost choking on my vitamins, I heard myself say, “If those things keep you alive then why did they almost kill you?” and I heard my sister’s 9 year old voice reply, “We all gotta go sometime!”

I’m just thankful it wasn’t this weekend. I would have been very disappointed if I had missed the Liver Mush Festival because I died from taking Vitamin C and B12.

I hope you all have a great week, and don’t forget to take your vitamins — just don’t rush, and take them all at once. Slow and steady; one at a time, folks.

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Chuck Thompson is a columnist and a reporter for The Shelby Independent.